


the thirst of the land

by havisham



Category: Original Work
Genre: First Time, Florida Man - Freeform, Houseboats, M/M, Mermen, Non-Human Genitalia, Vendettas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-07 22:47:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13445025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/havisham/pseuds/havisham
Summary: Ocean man, take me by the hand, lead me to the land that you understand.Florida man discovers true fish-man love -- and the rest, as they say, is history.





	the thirst of the land

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bagel_fish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bagel_fish/gifts).



Nate always said that none of this would’ve happened if Bryan had installed a guardrail along the path to his houseboat, like a responsible houseboat owner should. Nate didn’t even _want_ to go to the party at Bryan’s houseboat -- he was so fucking sick of his sister talking about that thing like it was whole new person in their social circle, Bryan’s Magical Houseboat -- that he’d first refused the invitation. So what if it was his sister’s thirty-fifth birthday? He’d been present at her last twenty-nine birthdays, that should be enough, right? 

“No,” Jessica said, with a cold look in her eye. “You’re my only living relative, Nate. You’re coming to my birthday and you’re going to be fucking thrilled to be there.” 

And so Nate went to Jessica’s birthday party on Bryan’s magical houseboat, the ceiling of which was too low for him to actually stand up in, and proceeded to get as drunk as he possibly could. Any time someone approached, he’d launch on a long rant about how climate change was killing the ocean. 

“Please, Nate, this is not the time,” Jessica said. She seemed to be swimming around, which couldn’t be right. “Why can’t you just be cool, for once?” 

“Climate change is important, Jessica,” he said somberly. “And besides, why the fuck does Bryan live in a houseboat?” Nate began to stuff his pockets with crab rangoons. “He’s fucking rich, he can afford to live on the land or the sea!” 

“You’re pretty jealous of him, we get it,” Jessica said. “Could you just please not do this?” 

“I’m not jealous of this fucking houseboat. Is it house? Is a boat? Why can’t it decide?”

“Maybe you should go home, Nate,” said Bryan, appearing behind Jessica, who seemed to be near tears. Which wasn’t fair either. Why should she be crying just because Nate was a failure who couldn’t get his shit together for one night, for his sister’s birthday? 

“I’ll call you an Uber,” Bryan said. 

“Don’t bother, Bry -- bud - - bruddy -- I’m gonna walk,” Nate said. He looked over at Jessica. “M’sorry, Jess. You deserve better. I love you. Your present is on the counter. Sorry.”

Outside, it was hot and humid -- a typical late summer night in this part of the world. The air was damp and smelled like the sea, which was only a canal and a few hundred feet away. Instinctively, Nate walked toward it. He longed for something real, something that that he could call his own. Something that -- 

It was then Nate fell into the canal, not stopped by the guard rail that Bryan had never put there. As he pitched forward into the murky water, Nate wondered if this was how he was going to die. It would suck, but he couldn’t say he was surprised. Nate ’s life so far had been basically one long disappointment, complete with so much unfulfilled potential. So, of course he’d drown in a canal near his despised brother-in-law’s houseboat. Why wouldn’t he? 

When he hit the water, Nate was immediately tangled up in long strands of seaweed. He struggled to get out, but they wrapped around him firmly, pulling him down deeper into the water. His mind was going blank when with a wrench, something -- someone -- yanked him up and out of the water and slammed him onto the gravel path in front of Bryan’s houseboat. 

Nate rolled around on the ground for a second, trying to get his bearings right. Through his wet hair and bits of seaweed, he could’ve sworn that he saw a guy -- a face, with all sharp angles, a muscular chest and arms, pulling away from him and slipping back into the darkness of the canal. 

“H-hey -- wait,” Nate said weakly, reaching for his rescuer, but it was at that moment the door of Bryan’s houseboat swung open and streams of people poured out, chief among them Jessica, who was screaming Nate ’s name like he had drowned or something. 

And -- icing on the cake -- all the crab rangoons in his pockets were gone. 

*

Nate checked himself out of the hospital a few hours later. There really wasn’t much wrong with him, except for a few minor scratches and a bruised arm. He went home and dreamed weird dreams of living underwater, exploring the whole world under the sea. Someone was with him, floating along, and that felt right. It wasn’t lonely, under the water. It felt like home. 

*

After that, it wasn’t like Nate was obsessed or anything, but he did make time to swing by the canal near Bryan’s houseboat to maybe run into the guy who’d saved him. Even though Jessica said there was no one near him when she’d gotten to him, Nate knew that someone had to have pulled him out of the water. It didn’t make sense otherwise -- he’d been too drunk to save himself and the seaweed that had tangled around him would’ve drowned him before he knew which side was up. 

But no matter how often he looked, the canal was always deserted. No one walking by, no one was swimming or boating along. Whoever had saved him didn’t want to be seen or acknowledged, and that made Nate kind of sad. It wasn’t reasonable, he knew, to expect that guy to come back to the scene of the crime -- not that it was a crime. It was the opposite of a crime, wasn’t it? 

“I’d really like to talk about it,” Nate said to the water. He hoped he didn’t seem too crazy, although he wasn’t sure if he cared that much at this point. “I just want to thank you, you know? You saved my life.” 

Nothing. 

Disheartened, Nate shuffled away, his eyes trained to the ground. Which was why he didn’t see who threw the conch shell at him, although he felt the blow on his back. He whipped around, panicking a little, only to see -- nothing, again. The conch was in pieces on the ground, but when he bent down to pick up, Nate saw that someone had written on it. 

_Stop yelling, dumbass,_ it said. _It’s rude._

“What the fuck?” Nate said. “Who’s the rude one here?” 

*

Nate kept coming back to that spot, talking as much as he wanted. He tried to stay away from Bryan’s houseboat (he really didn’t like the worried texts Jessica kept sending him if Bryan spotted him), but he wandered up and down the canal, eventually making his way to the beach. It was the off-season now, so the crowds weren’t too bad, but Nate kept mostly to himself. Maybe he should get a dog or something. Jessica was always saying he was too much of a loner, but she worried too much about him as it was. 

Eventually, he got tired and plunked down on the sand and fell asleep. It was the weekend and he was tired, even though he’d spent the week stuck in the office, trying to sell boat insurance to people who had neither the need for it, nor the inclination to listen to his pitch. 

When he was younger, he’d dreamed of becoming a marine biologist. Or did he just have a crush on the tour guide of the local aquarium? Maybe both. Nate hadn’t thought about Barry in years. He’d had such soft blond hair and always smelled like bubble gum. Whatever happened to him…? 

Nate woke up to the _drip drip_ of sea water falling on his face. He looked up to see a familiar face looking down at him. It was his rescuer. He sprang up and the guy tripped over himself to get away. 

“Hey! Wait! Don’t run!” Nate shouted, tackling him to the ground. He was -- surprised -- maybe more than a little surprised to see that while his rescuer seemed human from the chest up, from the waist down, he was more like an octopus than anything else. His tentacles wrapped around Nate’s legs, making it impossible to move. 

They rolled around like that, both of them too stubborn to let go. “I can’t fucking believe it,” Nate huffed, angry and incredibly excited at the same time. “You’re _Ursula!_ ”

“Let go of me,” spat out the merman. 

“You let go!” 

“You’re the one holding on to me!” 

“Your tentacles are all over me!” 

Nate got tired a lot quicker than the merman. He pushed himself away with a sigh and tried to ignore the fact that the struggle had given him the beginnings of a boner. If he didn’t acknowledge it, it was like it didn’t exist. “Okay, okay, truce? Let go of me.” 

For a moment, the merman studied his face suspiciously. Then, with a snort, he began to untangle himself from Nate ’s legs, muttering under his breath the whole time. Nate took the time to stare at him without reservations. The merman was, not unexpectedly, very handsome, if you liked bright, bold eyes, curling black hair that seemed to move on its own, and a face that seemed to be carved by Bernini. 

“So, what’s your name? I’m Nate, by the way. Thank you for rescuing me the other day.” He held out his hand but the merman didn’t take it. 

He just squinted at Nate’s hand, frowning. 

“You’re supposed to shake it,” Nate explained helpfully. 

“Why do you think I want to touch you?” he said, and then muttered something that sounded suspiciously like _filthy human._

“Wow, you really have an attitude problem, don’t you?” Nate said, scoffing. “Why did you bother saving me then?” 

“I … don’t like corpses stinking up the water,” he said. “You can call me Kai, if you like. But I’d rather you forget that you ever saw me.” With that, he began to head towards the water. The tide was rising quickly to meet him, and Nate had to act quickly or risk losing Kai forever. 

“I’m sorry I was a jerk! Hey, Kai! May I see you again?” 

Kai had disappeared into the water, but Nate could see his hand sticking out, middle finger extended. 

“Is that a yes? Hey, did you like the crab rangoons?” 

*

Nate kept coming to the beach after that, whenever he had the time to. Most times, he wouldn’t see Kai, but that was all right. Even as the weather got colder, there was always something to do, something to see on the shore. He dug out an old sketchbook that he hadn’t used since college and just drawing. 

He didn't make anything beautiful or even worth keeping -- Nate was reminded why he’d stopped drawing in the first place -- but at least it gave him something to do. He drew the landscape, the seagulls, the crabs that crawled over his leg. And also -- Kai. 

Who, even though he would deny it until he was blue in the face (however that would happen -- didn’t he have gills?) seemed to come around more often now. He would watch Nate for a long time before revealing himself, mostly with insults and throwing sea-trash at him. 

But Nate was good at dodging whatever Kai would throw at him, and kept talking. Eventually, Kai stopped throwing things and started talking back, like a normal person. A normal fishperson. 

Once he settled down though, he wasn’t too bad of a companion. He was uncomfortable on land, and Nate wasn’t a really great swimmer, so as a compromise, they usually met either at the channel or under one of the piers. They would usually sit and talk about this and that -- mostly Nate would interrogate him about living under the sea and Kai would straightforwardly refuse to answer even the most basic questions. 

Finally, Nate gave up and started telling Kai about himself. How growing up, he’d been best friends with Bryan and how they'd planned on opening a tech startup together. How he and Jessica had lost their parents when she was in high school and he was even younger. How in college, Nate had had a breakdown and dropped out, while Bryan had gotten through and opened up that startup, just like he had planned. 

“And then he sold it for millions before I guess people figured out that it was a garbage idea and the code was useless, but now he has a houseboat and he's married to my sister and I can't get rid of him.” 

Kai looked bored. “If that man Bryan causes you so much grief, why not drown him?” 

“Because that would be murder,” Nate said. 

Kai gave him a blank look. 

“Murder is discouraged on land.” 

“How foolish.” 

“Um. Well, what about you? You don't have anyone you just can't stand, under the sea?” 

“I have my enemies, of course,” Kai said, “but none would dare oppose me openly.” 

“Do they have tentacles like you?” Nate said curiously. Kai stared at him, curling his tentacles around himself. 

“You look at my tentacles a lot,” Kai said, a crafty look in his eye. “Are you aroused by them?” 

“What? No.” Nate tried to look anywhere except for where Kai was lounging out of the water, or where his tentacles were now rubbing idly against Nate ’s thighs. He tried to wipe the wetness away. “They're kind of gross. Why can't you have a regular fish’s tail?” 

“You always smell of arousal when you're around me,” Kai said nonchalantly. “I'm just too polite to mention it. You can lie and disassemble as much as you like, but you can't hide it.” He tapped the side of his nose and gave Nate a smug smile. 

“So -- so what?” Nate stared at Kai, who stared back at him. “Yeah, I think you're a beautiful fish-man and I'd love it if you fucked me. But you're also a jerk who hates humans, so it's probably not smart of me to even think of you in that way.” 

Kai glared at him and sank into the water until all that was visible was his eyes. Bubbles floated up in front of him and Nate bent down, curious as to what he was saying. 

“What? If you talk like that, I can't hear you.” 

“I said,” Kai spat out a mouthful of water. “I'm not opposed to it.” 

Nate brightened up for a moment before he became suspicious. “We were talking about enemies just now. How do I know this isn't a plot for you to drown me?” 

Kai smiled, for the first time Nate had known him. His teeth were a lot sharper than a human’s would be. “You don't know. Are you still willing to do it?” 

Kai thought he would say no. Kai thought Nate was a coward. And Kai was -- well, he was right. Nate was absolutely a coward. He had never done anything brave or notable in his life. But now, staring at Kai, who stared back at him so confidently that it was easy to miss the tiny tremor of emotion in the corner of his mouth. Nate suddenly realized that Kai had just much reason to be afraid as he did. 

Carefully, so not to startle him, Nate bent down and kissed Kai’s forehead. Experimentally, he licked his lips. Of course, Kai tasted of salt. “Don't worry,” Nate said, “I won't hurt you either.” 

“I know that -- I could drown you in seconds.” 

“Y-yeah, like that.” 

They spent the rest of the afternoon trying to figure out the proper procedure for merman-human sex, complete with diagrams drawn up by Nate, which Kai made fun of, but also dripped all over because he kept hovering over them, trying to memorize them (Nate firmly believed). 

“There’s no beak under there,” Kai snapped. “So stop staring.” 

“How do I know that you’re not gonna snap my dick off with your secret beak?” 

“You don’t know,” Kai said, staring at him. 

Finally, it was time for Nate to go home. He gathered up his things and bid Kai a shy goodbye. The merman pretended to ignore him, but Nate didn't miss the fact that Kai stayed where he was even after he'd gone away, and, looking back, he seemed to have a very wistful look on his face. 

Kai would be a lot cuter if he was honest about his feelings, Nate thought. But he was already pretty cute. And Nate was totally gone on that merman. 

*

“This isn't working,” Kai said bluntly. “I might have to drown you to hide the shame.” 

“I really wish murder wasn't _always_ the first option for you,” Nate said with a sigh. 

“I have no use for your weak, land-based ethics. In the ocean, where I (and all life on this planet) are from, it’s simple -- eat or be eaten.”

“That’s probably why we left the ocean, you know.” Nate sighed and pushed the hair from his face. He’d meant to go get a haircut before coming for this sex-meeting with Kai, but between this and that, he’d forgotten. 

“Shit, well, lemme try again,” he said. 

They'd been looking for Kai’s dick for the last fifteen minutes and the problem was that, in the undulating mass that was Kai’s lower half, something like a dick could get overlooked. At least that was what Kai said. Nate, on the other hand, was pretty sure he’d never be able to lose track of his dick, thank you very much, no matter what happened. 

He blindly groped under Kai and finally grasped something that made Kai gasp quietly. At first, he didn't really notice it. Kai’s dick felt pretty much like his tentacles, except it was shorter and had less girth. The texture of it was also a little rougher, and based on Kai’s reaction to him touching it, it seemed that Kai was sensitive to the touch. 

That was good. Nate liked touching Kai there. Nate liked touching Kai period, but especially now, when he was pink-cheeked and gasping. “You're really cute, Kai. Do you know that?” 

Kai looked offended. “Don't make me bite you,” he hissed, baring his sharp teeth. 

“I want that weird dick in me,” Nate said, pressing a brief kiss on the tip of Kai’s nose. 

“You're not -- _not that you should be, because I know what I'm doing_ \-- scared or anything, are you?” 

“Have you done this before?” 

“Of course not.” 

“Then yeah, I guess I'm a little scared. But I want to do it because I like you and I wanna be with you. Is that weird?” 

“Yes,” Kai said. “But you're a strange man and I've come to expect that from you.” 

“Thank you,” Nate said. “It means a lot, coming from you.” 

“I didn't mean it to mean anything.” 

“You pretend to be grumpy and above it all, but you actually like me a lot, don’t you, Kai?” Nate pressed his cheek against Kai’s, which was rough against his, drying in the air. He rubbed against him for good measure, and Kai let him do it for half a minute before pushing him away. 

There was a wicked look in Kai’s eyes now, full of mischief and something Nate knew that he should dread, but instead it just filled him with unbearable excitement. So when the opportunity came -- Bryan and Jessica were off to a tech conference and Nate was irresponsibly given the duty to look after his old nemesis, the houseboat -- he went for it and invited Kai up to see what the fuss was about. 

Kai wasn’t impressed with the houseboat (which was good), and kept accidentally breaking things (which wasn’t as good), but the important thing was he was there, and so was Nate, and life was pretty awesome. 

“You’re really beautiful, you know that?” Nate said. They were sitting on the floor of the living quarters on the houseboat, surrounded by blankets and some of Bryan’s best bottles of wine. He pushed away some of the hair from Kai’s face -- it seemed to curl around him for a moment, and again he wondered if it had a mind of its own -- and smiled. “I don’t know what you see in me, but I’m grateful.” 

“Of course, all land-creatures are ugly compared to the wonders of the deep,” Kai said, wrapping his tentacles just a little bit tighter around Nate ’s waist and legs. “But you’re not terrible. Comparatively speaking.” 

“Aw,” Nate said and then choked when one of Kai’s tentacles rubbed against his asshole. Despite everything he'd said to persuade, cajole and entreat Kai to this point, the actual reality of Kai, of his tentacles pushing into him had just penetrated the fog of Nate’s mind just now. “Oh fuck.” 

“What?” Kai looked concerned and went still. “Is something wrong? Are you hurt?” 

“No, it's just. I'm have tentacle sex right now and I'm sure the sixteen year old me would've _never_ believed it.” 

“If you don't stop fetishizing my tentacles, I won't fuck you with them.” 

“No! Don't be so mean,” Nate whined, as he waited on all fours. “I'll fucking die if you don't -- Kai, babe, please do it. I won't be weird about it, I promise.” 

Despite (what felt like) the buckets of lube he'd managed to use to open himself up with, the moment one of Kai’s thinner tentacles inched into him, Nate thought he might still be too tight for it. Kai must’ve thought so too, because he stopped moving which was -- the absolutely last thing Nate wanted him too. 

“Keep going -- uh, Kai, please,” Nate said, panting against Kai’s ear. “I really need to come and you do too, right?” And with a groan, Kai did -- and it was amazing. 

Nate felt surrounded, touched all over by Kai’s tentacles, until he had trouble figuring out where he started and the tentacles ended. Everywhere they touched, they seemed to linger, releasing some kind of liquid that made Nate tingle all over. He was so distracted that he almost didn't notice when Kai started to fuck him. Almost. 

Nate had briefly considered ordering speciality condoms (extra, extra long and wide) over the Internet, but decided he would probably get on some kind of watchlist if he ordered it -- so he hadn't. He wondered now if it was a mistake. “Don't come inside,” he muttered to Kai, unable to look him in the eye. Kai thrust into him harder, making Nate yelp.

“Seriously, I don't know how my body’s gonna react -- what if I --” 

“You watch too much porn.” 

“Says the guy who’s _currently drilling my ass_ \--” 

“Do you want me to stop?”

“Fuck you. Never stop.” 

*

(He eventually did have to stop. Nate’s ass could only take so much.)

*

Nate thought things might be weird -- weirder -- with Kai after they'd had sex, but actually things seemed to stay the same. They met up from time to time and gave each other shit. Sometimes that led to making out. Sometimes it led to more sex. Nate was seriously worried that it might be impossible now for him to get off without tentacles helping him along, which was definitely a problem, but one he'd have to deal with at some other point in time. 

He wanted to tell people about Kai -- he wanted to tell Jessica about Kai, just to reassure her that he wasn't in such a bad place as he had been a couple months ago, ranting about houseboats -- but he didn't want things to change, or for people to bother Kai.

Kai didn't like or trust most people and Nate could understand his position. He was still pretty awed by the fact that Kai had chosen to save Nate and reveal himself to him. Nate wanted to be worthy of that trust. 

He was thinking all of these things as he fed new bits of wood to the bonfire they'd lit on the beach. The air was still cold -- as cold as it got around here, anyway -- and the salt from the wood gave the fire strange colors. 

“What are you thinking about?” Kai asked, his eyes trained on the fish Nate was grilling on the fire. He, naturally, preferred raw fish to cooked, and Nate had gotten some of his fishing buddies to pass him along some restaurant-quality fish for dinner tonight. Kai had already eaten his portion (raw) but it seemed like he was still hungry. 

“I'm thinking about the future,” Nate confessed. “I don't want people like Bryan and his friends to know about you and decide they're going to disrupt mermaids or something.” 

“You worry overmuch. If anything happened to me, you'd sink his houseboat, wouldn't you?” 

“Well, yeah,” Nate admitted. “Once I was sure my sister wasn't in it.” 

“Then we’re good.” 

Nate nodded and watched the fire. He kept sneaking glances at Kai, until the merman sighed. 

“What is it?” 

“I was wondering if it's legal to marry a merman in the state of Florida.” 

“I'm sure you're not the first one to try.”

Nate began to laugh but then considered it. Kai was probably -- maybe absolutely? -- right. “Would you do it though? I mean, marry me?” 

“We've only known each other a few months.” 

“Yeah, but. When you know it's real, why hesitate?” 

Kai frowned and shook his head. “You're an idiot. I refuse to marry you.” 

“Kai, you're crushing my _heart_.” 

Nate felt one of Kai’s longer tentacles wrap itself around his waist. He tugged on it, and more of them followed. Kai’s face hadn't changed, all the while, but Nate smiled, happy. 

**Author's Note:**

> Title and summary from Ween. 
> 
> Thanks to my beta!


End file.
